5 months

I have been home for over 5 months……which is longer than I was in Sierra Leone. The time has gone by at a record speed. It makes me sad to feel the distance that the time has put between me and those I love in Freetown. My life is forever changed, their finger prints are all over my heart…. but they feel faded a bit…in a way, they feel disconnected. I still ache to be with them, to hear their laughter and feel the strength of their love. But, I am ashamed to admit that busyness has separated me from them. I do not want them to be a sexy story that is part of my life. They deserve more than that. They deserve the dignity of being missed and thought of and prayed for! This is something that I haven’t taken the time to prioritize. To be honest, I haven’t taken much time for reflection and quiet since I started at Mosaic in many areas of my life. But enough is enough. It is time to start processing (for lack of a better word) all the various issues and areas of my heart that I trying to come to terms with….and so that is why I am back to blogging. You all have been wonderful about asking me to continue processing and sharing with you what I am up to these days. So, if you will allow me and will go with me, I would love to process through these things with you. I will try to update my blog often as I am unpacking what the Lord is showing me and the issues that I am coming to terms with.

So, as I am unpacking issues that are arising, it would probably be helpful if I were to share what I am actually doing with my days. Many of you have asked and I am sorry that I haven’t taken the time to share until now. In February, I officially started working at Mosaic Community Development (http://www.mosaiccd.org/) as an Americorp Vista. Mosaic is a non-profit in Omaha that directly works with the poor. Mosaic is a relationally driven ministry that emphasizes knowing the people we are serving and not just doling out food, clothing or services. I had been involved with Mosaic before I went to Sierra Leone via one of the ministries, Life on the Brick, and loved it. Life on the Brick is our “feeding program” and is the time during the week when we have the privilege of serving meals to the community and engaging in relationship with those that join us. We serve dinner ever Monday evening and breakfast every Saturday but more than the food... we offer friendship. The ministry is a perfect fit for my little relational-self! :)

So, back to my job…my specific duties at Mosaic are to take care of all of our finances, along with coordinating our Life Transitions program and assisting in making Life on the Brick happen. My plate is very full but I cannot tell you how much I love what I am doing. I enjoy that even though I am doing administrative tasks, I am thriving at giving my life and skills to the poor. It is also a perfect fit because relationship with those we serve is priority and so I get to take work time to invest into my friends here. I cannot imagine a better job for me!

Well that is all for now...I know it is long but it has been awhile since I shared. From here on out, this will be journey of working at Mosaic, asking the Lord why Omaha, what serving the poor really means and the many other questions and issues that I am wrestling with these days.

Thank you SO much for your interest and support that you have given to me as I am pursuing what it means to serve the poor with my life!

sadness

I sit here in the wee hours of the morning when I should be sleeping and instead I am overcome with sadness. I have recently discovered the complex world of myspace. Good grief, can one spend a lot of time on that thing or what! I linked from one friend to another of their friends and found myself on the space of someone who used to live in Sierra Leone and work with the Lighthouse kids. Their page was beautiful and made me weep. There were the lovely faces of my friends, younger but still the same kids, staring back at me. I feel like the heart break is getting worse lately. It is odd but that is actually comforting for me. It makes me feel real and my time there seem more important. I think the newness of being home is wearing off a bit and the reality of being so far away and my time there seeming so distant is sinking in. I am relieved a bit that all it takes is seeing a picture of the kids to make me just break down in tears. I know that sounds odd, but I can't tell you how refreshing this good ole fashioned cry has been for my heart. I miss their joy and their laughter. I miss their spontaneity and their vibrancy. I miss their singing and their dancing. I miss their friendship and their insight and strength. I just miss them and I am really sad that I am here right now trying to live this life without them in it. I trust Jesus and I know that this is where I am at for now, I am just wondering why at this moment it is here that He has me and if my deep love for these kids is worth anything to Him. Will it be used? Was it used? How long will it hurt this deeply? When will I get to sit and talk with them again and hug them and see their wonderful faces?