fading

One week ago today I was saying Good-Bye to those I loved in Freetown and now here I sit at my mom’s house after opening all my Christmas gifts completely immersed back into life in Omaha. When I came back from Freetown, I was noticabley darker than those around me from all our time in the sun. It is a fun and noticeable reminder of my time away. However, I have noticed it is fading. What brings tears to my eyes is that I feel like more than just my tan is fading and we have only been back a week!! Freetown seems like a lifetime ago and a world away. When I first got home, I felt like I had been dropped onto a different planet. One that looked familiar and seemed like somewhere I should know but one that definitely felt foreign. I would think of Freetown and I would long to be back. Faye had told us that transitioning back home would be difficult. She gave us the example that we are from a yellow world and went to a blue world that we are coming back green and we will feel like we don’t fit. When we first got home, all I could think about was how blue-green I felt and I didn’t think I would ever feel “normal” here. What grieves my heart the most is that it is already getting easier…..I think some of the blue is being washed away and that tears my heart up. Being Christmas week, I think I have been thrown back into the swing of life here faster than I would have allowed myself had it been a different time of the year. Our world holds many decadent distractions…entertainment galore, decadence in every area of life and the permeating “need” for more things that make you fit better in this world. I am sad that I am already finding myself slipping back into these thought patterns and even letting my schedule me filled up so quickly. I have barely spent any time with the Lord the past few days and I am feeling so dry. I feel like I need Him and His presence more now than I did when I went to Freetown. My heart has been battling lots of lies the past few days about my own worth and the value of my time in Sierra Leone. I have been bombarded with thoughts that I made the time out to be more important than it was, or that I wasn’t effective in my time there, or that even though I am heart broken about being away from the kids that they really don’t miss me, that I don’t fit here and that I am not missed there. I know with my intellect that these are lies…I can see that as clear as day. However, somehow my heart is heavy and saddened when these thoughts come by force. I have been busy and have let myself be distracted by things to do and by entertainment. I need to make Jesus a priority and set some time aside to be with Him. The other day I was so overwhelmed that I pulled off to the side of the road and spent about 10 mins or so praying and being with the Lord. That time has gotten me through the past few days. He is so good and kind and faithful to meet me every time I seek Him. I just need to seek Him more. I know that this post is not exactly uplifting and happy but this is where I am at right now and I need your prayers. My mind is all over the place and so I will try to post more often, so that I can process more of what I am feeling. That will be good accountability for me to process these things out loud.

time 'done done'

I sit here at the internet cafe for the last time. I am with my Lighthouse friends David and Papane. The past few days have been a blurr. They have been full of wonderful times of sharing and being with the people that I have grown to love. It is only the grace of God that is getting me through all these Good-Byes. They are beautiful and fun times but so HARD! I am not going to blog long today. I just wanted to say thank you for all your support and encouragement. As I come back, I will need more prayers than I did when I was here! I have so many questions and transitioning back to life in American is harder than one would think...so many emotions. Please pray that enemy would not be able to distract me or to take away all the things that the Lord has shown me and put in my heart. There are a lot of things I have learned and still need to unpack. Thank you and I will blog when I get home about how I am doing and I will try to post more pictures. Merry Christmas!

soaking it all in

The past few days have been remarkable!!! Sunday, Jeremy and I went and visited to the family of one of the kids we are friends with on the street, Kande. His family is so beautiful and warm and inviting. His mother, father, brothers, sister-in-laws and many little nieces and nephews all live in the house and they all greeted us with big smiles and warm hearts. Africa hospitality was at it's finest. Kande's mom fed us upon arrival (and I have to say that I do not like the dish his momma served but she cooked it different than any other place and it was really good!) and sat and visted with us for a long time. His family's house is up on a hill on the outskirts of town and you can see to the ocean and many parts of the city from the house. After we sat for awhile, we went on a walk around the area and we were able to see all they wantd to share with us. The day was full and we had to cut our visit short because Cami was throwing us a Good-Bye party that evening, which we ended up being really late to because of our visit to Kande's. It was a little stressful, but we eventually arrived. When we walked up to the house we could hear music and saw people everywhere dancing and singing. It was a big worship service. They had invited everyone we have been close to during our time here, so the house was packed. There were so many people that they were spilling out of the house. We walked in and the place felt electric with love and celebration. The Lighthouse kids were playing the drums, Foday was playing the guitar and Pastor Suliman (I know you don't know all these names, but they mean something to me) was leading worship. After worship, we ate and talked and danced the night away. It was one of the most beautiful evenings I have ever been a part of. The Lighthouse kids danced all night and played the drums. They even got us white folks to dance a couple dances....and let me just say I cannot move this body like an African can move theirs! :) I hope that I don't ever forget one moment of the evening!!!!!! So that was Sunday. Then yesterday we celebrated the December birthdays at Lighthouse. Cami brings in a cake and then the kids that have birthdays stand in the middle and we each go up to them one by one and tell them all that we love about them and encourage them. I told Cami that I am going to fly back once a month, just so that I can be a part of each month's celebration. These kids are amazing and so rich in beauty. I wish I could be here to tell each one how precious they are. So that was yesterday and that was GREAT! Then today we had our last prayer/worship time as a community. It was great, we read through Psalm 23....good stuff! The Lord is so good! Then Jeremy and I went into town and went to lunch with Sheku, one of the Lighthouse kids, for his birthday. It was so much fun to sit and visit with him and just to be able to celebrate him. He is such a sweet and tender heart. I wish you all could see his smile and watch him dance, it would make any heart come alive. I then spent the afternoon with our friends on the street. I just sat there watching all the people. I am really going to miss this place, even with all the noise and filth and sadness...I am going to leave so much of my heart here! Even now, I look out the window of the internet cafe and watch people walking and traffic flying by and I am overcome with joy to be here and sadness to be leaving. The people are amazing and they work so hard. Life is not easy in Salone and I admire their strength. This whole week is full of fun things and being with people I love. I am looking forward to the rest of it! Right now, I am off to have dinner with our team and Kristen and Sarah. They are two girls that we have become friends with from the U.S. that are here for a year with Children of the Nations...if you think about it pray forthem. Being away from your family on the holidays is not easy. It is so weird to think that Christmas is just two weeks away. It definitely does not feel like Christmas here. I am looking foward to warm sweaters and chilly nights and lots of Christmas tunes upon my return. As much as I am heart sick about leaving, I am excited about coming home and getting to see you all. It is such a tug-of-war in my heart. Well, I am off for now. Will try to write again later this week. Have a cup of hot chocolate for me and listen to a good Christmas CD!

beaches

. I have spent the past few days relaxing on the beach and processing some aspects of our time here. I feel like I just got back from a mini-vacation, it was lovely! The beaches here are so beautiful and every sunset/sunrise is like watching a masterpiece be worked right in front of your very eyes. The crystal blue waters, lush green palm trees, flowers of many colors and blue skies all around. The sound of the waves beating against the shore. It was a rhythm that my soul needed. I needed to feel the Lord like that and to hear Him. This retreat was a lot about how we have seen our time here and questions to be thinking about as we re-enter our lives back home. Home has seemed to far away for so long that it feels impossible to try to put myself back in that life. I have been asked many time lately how I am doing with the prospects of coming home. When asked this question, every emotion imaginable runs through my heart. I am looking forward to being HOME, to seeing my family and all of you that I love so dearly. But there are a lot of questions that are unanswered for me right now. I dearly love my friends here and I love living among and being among the poor. I have to figure out what that will look like at home. Also there is the impending decision about a job. That is not so exciting or inviting to come home to but I trust the Lord that it will work out. This retreat was really good for me because it made me think about howI have changed and then also think about all that has changed at home. There are some exciting thing that I am coming home to and some not to exciting things. I hope that I have grown and changed from my time here, so it will be a new experience to be home among the changes being the new me. I am coming off of these few days away with an excitement to end this last week well and enjoy the time here but also I am excited to take home what I have learned and who I have become. I just hope you all have patience with me as I figure out what all this means.

Ms. Whiny Pants

Wow, was my last entry whiny or what?! Good grief. Sorry about using the blog space to be little Ms. Whiny Pants. I thought I was being a little bit better of a trouper than that...yikes! So, quick health update and then onto new things. Still not at 100%. That cold I mentioned, turned into a sinus infection and double ear infection. This is actually a prayer request because I cannot hear out of my left ear very well. However, all in all, I am doing a little better each day. Still don't have an appetite but I cannot say that is the worst thing to loose :P Okay, enough about all that!

So, folks, two weeks from today (Lord willing) I will be setting foot on my native, Nebraska frozen soil. There are a flood of emotions that sweep over me when I think of home. Mostly they are the sadness and grief that I feel over leaving Freetown and the people that I have grown to love so deeply. One of the Lighthouse kids asked me if I ever honestly plan to come to see them again. That is such a hard question. Yes, I plan on saying coming back to visit, at the very least, but we never know what tomorrow holds. My heart tells me it is not good-bye forever, but I wonder if that is just a fool's hope! Other emotions are a little bit of fear of coming back and trying to reintegrate back into Western life. I am afraid of forgetting what I have grown to be passionate about here and the revelations the Lord has given me about the poor and living simply. Our culture is just so busy and hectic, it is so easy to loose sight of the important things. I am saying this from experience and I am not trying to bash our culture. We just have so many distractions from what matters. I do have to admit that I am looking forward to being home for Christmas (not the crazy consumer driven holiday hoopla but the cozy family centered time of the year centering on the most amazing thing that ever happened in our history!). And I am looking forward to being cold...not sure what that is like anymore! Those are just a few of the emotions that keep running through my heart. There are many more but my blog spot is not big enough for all of them and I am sure you don't have time to read about them all!!

We changed our plane tickets and so we will be staying in Freetown two more days instead of being stuck in London for 2 days. I am excited about this but it also is like post-poning an operation. It is good because the pain is put off for two more days but on the other hand you have two more days to think about how painful it is going to be. Well, that is how a pessimist would look at it, so it is a good thing that I am not a pessimist! :P I cannot imagine what life without Jesus would be like! I have such a peace and a hope in Him. I have no idea what I am going to do for a job, if I am supposed to live here or not, what my life at home should look like, even if my hearing will every fully come back but I just have a peace that I am in His hands. Is He not just the BEST! I am so overwhelmed with how amazing He is!!

Well, I am off. I will not post probably until next weekend or even next week sometime. We are off to a short little two day retreat and then we get back and hit the ground running. Will try to post when I can!

Africa is not for whimps

"Africa is not for whimps", this is what Cami said to me as I was sitting on my malaria sickbed. That is right, I guess I had decided that Sierra Leone was too easy and I wanted a challenge before I left. I was headstrong and didn't listen to doctor's orders about taking it easy. I was diagnosed on Friday and made the brilliant decision Saturday to go to Kroo Bay. This will probably go down in history as one of the dumbest things I have ever done. I didn't want to miss the good news club but was so miserable throughout it that I was just praying it would be over. Before the club, I had walked down Shaka Stevens Street in the sun to buy supplies for the medicine that we do after the good news club. This in and of itself made me feel like I was going to pass out. I am not quite sure what I was thinking! Well, I finally made it home Saturday night and just crashed. I barely slept because with malaria your joints ache something terrible and so there is no way to get comfortable. My hips, knees and spine were killing me and I had a fever all night. Well, I got up Sunday morning and got SUPER sick. I have never been in such bad shape. Faye came over and her and Haley took care of me. They checked me into a hotel where I could get some rest in the air conditioning. That is just what I did and I feel better now. I am still not back to 100%...matter of fact I think I am about at a 40% right now :P but I am getting there. It is remarkable how weak I have become and I have no appetite whatsoever. I have to admit that I have a new understanding of what the people here have to life through. The Lighthouse kids said that now I am a real African woman. I am not going to tell you how guilty I felt and feel that I got to go to a hotel to rest. That is one thing I wish I could do differently. It was a lot of money and I feel like I am here to identify with the poor. The poor would have to suffer with their fever and aches without air conditioning. I should have to. I am grateful that I didn't have to, but felt too much like a hypocrite while enjoying the cold. So, what I didn't think about with malaria is that it depletes your immune system. So, now I have a terrible cold and 3 boils and an out of control heat rash. Ahhh, good times! :) All in all it isn't bad, but I have had the first thoughts of "Lord, I don't think I could live like this". Up until now, this trip has been easy for me. I had even decided that I could learn to live with boils. (I have had two others besides the ones I have now...they are not fun, but I could manage.) Lots to think about and pray about. I am asking the Lord to show me the call on my life and give me the strength to answer it with obedience, if it is to come back here. So, that is what is going on in my part of the world today. I will be home in just a couple weeks. We leave Africa two weeks from tomorrow! Yikes! I will post more between now and then.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So, today it is Turkey Day! Hope you all are staying warm and enjoying the day of eating and being with your loved ones. Today has been a very hot day here, one of the hottest yet, I think. We are going to go to dinner here pretty soon as a group and will hopefully end the evening on the beach. Not a bad way to spend the holiday, but definitely my first Thanksgiving with sand in my toes! :P I love you and miss you all! I hope you know that as I reflect on today being a day of giving thanks to God for all He has done, you all are on my list of things to be thankful for!! Thank you for allowing me to process and walk through all these issues and my experieneces with you all. Thank you for your prayers and encouragements. I hope and pray that you each have time today to pause and think of all you have to be thankful for and that there are many things on your lists. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

don't get twitchy

Today has been a restful day but difficult for various reasons. I wanted this afternoon to be a time of sitting down and really processing through some of the deeper issues that we are faced with on a daily basis, some of what we have been talking about as a group and some of the issues we have been reading about. However, most of my day has been spent stewing and then praying and repenting and then stewing again. See, an indignation rises up in me when I feel like I have been wronged or when I feel like someone is trying to control me in some way. I like to be the one in control. The issue I am upset about is not a big issue and my response of being so irritated is a hideous side of myself that I hate to admit is even there! I set out to have this afternoon be a time of reflecting and talking with the Lord about issues concerning the poor and oppression and what my response should be. The Lord is faithful though to work on my own heart and my realationship with Him before I can dive into those deeper issues. So, this ugly issue of pride and arrogance is what I feel the majority of my day was spent thinking and praying about. It was a good day in the sense of growth but not a very fun thing to see such filth in my heart. I do think/hope that the Lord has helped me to understand that my own sense of entitlement is what I feel like was challenged. This revealation carries over into other issues concering the poor. When you are serving and living among the poor, I believe that you really need to know what our rights are and more importantly what they are not. When Jesus came and dwelt among us, He gave up ALL His heavenly rights and put Himself on our level. He had access to all power under heaven and yet He humbly submitted Himself to the Father and to what the Father wanted Him to do. We have been talking a lot about this becuase of a book that we are currently reading (Missions and Money). How do I think that I can truly rid myself of my belief in my American/wealthy entitlements (clean place to sleep, healthy food to eat, running water, access to meds, access to comfort, access to entertainment, etc) in order to put myself in the shoes of the poor, if I can't even get over my own sense of entitlements among people I am serving with?! It really is an issue that is difficult to come to terms with. When we look at the poor we all believe that they have the rights to the same things we do...to clean water, to food, to a place to live and to education. Do we think that they have the rights to more than just the basics? Do we believe that they have the right to a TV, to a cell phone, to a comfortable place to live and not just a 10x10 room? What are the things that we see as necessaties that they don't have access to and if they did have access would we think that they were being lavish? I have noticed this in my own thoughts and the thoughts of others here. We would like to say it isn't true but it is there and rears it's ugly head. The Lighthouse kids want a cell phone and so they are told that is an extravagance and that they cannot spend their money on one. Yet, everyone telling them that has one and wouldn't live without it here. Is it wrong to have a cell phone? No, but the double standard is not okay and our having one and them not having one does make it seem hard to say that we are identifying with the poor in all ways. I don't have the answer for this, it is just something I am thinking about and processing through right now. What is my response to following Jesus and living as He would have me live? What brings Him glory and what harms my testimony and witness? All questions that I need to be asking myself. So, anyway, this might be all over the place but I am not going to go back and reread and edit it. I am just being vulnerable with what the Lord is doing in my heart today. He has been sweet to me and despite the heavy questions and the terrible pride of mine that is dying a slow death, I have found rest in Him and it has been a sweet day. All questions are not answered but my rest is in the fact that He is with me and is faithful to bring to completion the good work He has started in me. I have peace in resting in His hands. We read Psalm 139 this morning during our community prayer morning. It is a sweet reminder that He has made us and knows us inside and out. He loves me despite the fact all the ugliness that I see in myself.

Well, I suppose this is long enough for now...wow, thanks for bearing with me. I don't know if I will post Thursday or not, so just in case I don't HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you all.

no rest

Sometimes I marvel at the Lord's patience. He reveals things to me and it takes forever for me to apply what He has revealed to me in my day to day life. This week I have yet to have any Sabbath time and my week is packed from here on out (I know anyone who knows me well is not surprised by this, I am just disappointed that the change hasn't happened yet). I was going to try Tuesday afternoon to have some rest and down time with the Lord and it did not happen. I ended up running from thing to thing to thing that afternoon. They were all good things, but not restful. Then today is our "day off" and it has been a fine day but a wearying one. I washed a ton of clothes by hand this morning because I have a heat rash all over my torso (very common here this time of year) and so I need fresh clothes to change into. Then I picked up Vina (the Zizer's 3 year old little girl) from school and took her to the National Stadium because Abubakkar had a field day today for his school and he invited me to (which he took first place in the javelin throw - woohoo!!!). The sun here is hot right now and being in it too long zaps your energy....not to mention it doesn't make the heat rash feel much better. Then at the stadium (I think) our team cell phone was stolen from my bag. Theft is a big problem here and even leaving the stadium I watched a man reach into my pocket and I just looked at him like he was nuts. I have learned not to carry stuff that is valuable where it can be readily available but I forgot to move the phone from an outside pocket in my bag to the bag itself. It was an old phone and I am not in trouble...just makes me feel TERRIBLE. I even felt like something told me this morning not to put it in that pocket. Other than that the field day event was fun. Vina is a little pistol sometimes but she was mostly good and we ate vendor food just like we would at a game at home. She took the sweet popcorn that Faye bought her and would suck off the sweet parts and spit the rest out. It was wonderful because it kept her occupied for quite awhile! :P
I hope that I am not giving the impression that I didn't enjoy my day, because that is not the case. I am just a bit weary right now. It was all worth it though to watch Abubakkar singing and dancing to the music and rallying his classmates to do the same before he knew we were there and watching him. He has such an infectious joy and a smile that feels like heaven itself is smiling at you. And when he was on the field, he looked up in the stands to make eye contact with us and gave me the thumbs up....that made it all worth it. He was looking in the stands to see someone there supporting him and believing in him and we were there! I would say today was a success, phone loss and all!!! Okay, so back to my original point of the Lord needing to beat things in my head. I posted earlier this week how much I learned about resting in the Lord and I have not prioritized that once since we got back a week ago. So, this is my accountability. I will not post again until I have had some good solid time resting before the Lord.

Alicia, I have to say that I thought of you guys a few times when we were on our retreat. We were being very outdoorsy and seeing all sorts of cool stuff that I know Nate would have loved. :P I miss you guys and I hope all is well!

I am back

We got back on Friday and have hit the ground running....I have had ve. ry little free time since we got back. This is my first chance to blog and I don't have much time even now. It is late and the cafe closes soon.

The trip was a precious time with the Lord and with our community! I have never experienced anything quite like it before. The Bible talks about taking a Sabbath and prioritizing times of rest....I have never been very good at this or understood it fully looking at it with my Western mindset about what really is restful. Last week, I had a small taste of what it is to rest in the Lord and I am addicted! The first full day at the park the rest of the team went on a hike and I stayed back by myself at camp. I prayed, read the Word and journalled. I sat before the Lord amidst the vast and varied creation and marveled at who He is and just soaked Him in and let go of so much worry and junk that I have been holding onto. The many different kinds of birds, the butterflies of every size and color, the monkeys, the lizards, the rushing river and the enormous trees all around me were pulsing with His glory and His power. All of it, held together in His hand and yet He is in my heart speaking to it and refreshing it...bringing new life to dry places. The Lord has been teaching me over the past months about what it means know Him not only as my Beloved and my Companion but as my King. I have been asking Him to teach me holy fear of who He is and the honor He deserves. I think I often loose sight of this because I focus so much on the relational aspect of His character. I feel like He started answering my prayer on this trip. I had a deep revelation that first night sitting under a full African moon watching dark and powerful clouds filling the bottom half of the sky with thunder and lightening of how 'other' He is. He is unlike anything I could imagine and anything I have thought before. I just sat out there under the light of the moon and the occasional lightening and marveled at how big He is....Africa is a good place to learn this lesson. Everything seems brighter and bigger here. The week was full of His sweet presence. I had a really challenging talk with Faye during our time there and it has given me a lot to think about in terms of what is to come next in my life. We had some quite contemplation time and a lot of time to be alone with our thoughts and the Lord and to process through a lot of the things we have seen and experienced so far. We were gone a long time and so I can't possibly dig into all that I learned in our time away. I have shared a little and I am sure more will come out in the future. :)

There are too many highlights and not enough time to do them all justice. I will share with you a little of what I hope never to forget about our time there: the sweet revealations and rest in the Lord that I discovered, the beautiful Blue Plantain Eaters (you should look them up online....they are AMAZING), the myriad of butterflies everywhere, the evening of running and screaming from the attacking ants (they are vicious little suckers and show NO mercy), the monkeys that hung out around our camp, our evening hike through the bush to find elephants (which we didn't find...we found elephant poop that was a day old but no elephants. It was still cool to see where they had been and trees that hey had knocked over. And it was pretty darn cool to walk into the bush with vines grabbing at your feet and a man in front of you hacking a path with a machete!), our trip to see the hippos (they are big animals to be sharing the water with!), the black scorpion that walked between my legs when I was sitting on the edge of the road and the drive into and out of the park through village after village. Kids running out and screaming 'abpoto, abpoto' and waving, the drying peppers on the ground and all the little baby goats romping and playing. I cannot tell you enough how much I love these people. They are just amazing and beautiful. The village kids that came to visit us in our camp were priceless! If my camera had not been ruined, I would be posting pics of them right now. Which I guess that is one not so good thing....my digital camera got wet, so no more BubbleShare. I am bummed but it is just a thing and I have my other camera with me. So, I have to go now but that is a little bit of how great our trip was and how thankful I am that I went.

leaving tomorrow

So, tomorrow we are leaving for our retreat. I must say that I need to apologize for my attitude on my last post about the trip. I trust the leadership that I am under and I know that this is what the Lord has for us. I am sad about not being in Freetown with my friends but I do now realize that this is something to look forward to and not to lament about. I have recently realized that what I want out of Christian community and what the Lord has for me...very well might be two different things! In reading the Word the past few days and in reading 'Life Together' by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I am realizing that I too often force my own agenda into what is being done instead of stepping back and asking 'what is the Lord doing here?'. I recently learned that our trip is going to be a lot of processing and reading and contemplating. These are all things that I just recently journalled about and said I wanted to start doing more of and now I have a perfect 10 day opportunity. So, with my new attitude change, I am looking forward to our time upcountry. I am looking forward to seeing more of Sierra Leone and to quality time with Jesus amidst His beautiful handy work. I am trusting the Lord and His loving-kindness that even with the time away from my friends in town, my heart will be okay and it will actually prepare me for our departure a month later in a sovereign way that I will hopefully see after wards. So, please pray for us...for safety and health and that each of us would learn new things about ourselves, community and Jesus during these next 10 days. It would also be great if you would pray for a miracle that all the mosquitoes would decide to leave that area and not return! :)

Kroo Bay

Today is Saturday....Kroo Bay day. It was as wonderful as usual. I was sitting on the floor with a kiddo that was sleeping in my arms and snapped a few pics. It is so sweet when you see them standing during worship and nodding off. Sometimes they come in so tired and in need of rest. This little guy was leaning on the bench and dozing. I picked him up and he went fast asleep. I sat down with him during the message and while the eggs were being passed out. The pictures are not the best, but they give you a small window into the sweet faces that I get to see every week.

This Wednesday, sadly, we are going upcountry for 10 days. I am really looking forward to seeing more of Sierra Leone and spending time with Cami, but I am really not excited about the trip. I am going to miss the the kids on the street, the Lighthouse kids, the Zizers, James and Blessing and going to Kroo Bay. We figured out that after we get back from upcountry, we only have 5 Kroo Bays left. That is not a happy thought! *sigh* I am trying to have a good attitude about going. I would be looking more forward to it if it wasn't so long and if our time here in Sierra Leone wasn't so short. Fourth months is not a long time and so a 10 day retreat seems like a big chunk with only 7 weeks left to go. The thought of leaving here is already tearing at my heart, so I want to cherrish all the moments that I can. Alas, there is not much I can do but choose to have a good attitude and to enjoy it. I really am excited that Cami is going with us and so that does give me something to look forward to. I am glad that she is getting away and getting a much needed break!

Okay, SO, back to Kroo Bay..... I have added a couple of the pics from today. I will try to take my camera the next few times to get more pictures. I hope that I can capture a small portion of how awesome worship time is!

my week in review

This past week has been a full one but fun. Sunday we (all but Jeremy and Haley because they were still recovering...they were both pretty sick for a few days) went to Beach #2. It is a really nice, white sandy beach about an hour away. Really it should only be about 20 minutes away but the roads are so terrible that it took well over an hour to get there. We were told this road was similar to the road we will be taking next week to go upcountry on our retreat. Woohoo! The beach was gorgeous and I hope to do more exploring the next time. I just sat on the beach and read this time. I heard up the river empties into the ocean right there and you can walk up the river and see hundreds if not thousands of crabs. What I saw was beautiful and I felt fully relaxed after our afternoon soaking it all in. Then Monday was a Muslim Pray Day....the day after Ramadan (sp) is over. The schools are out on this day. We had Lighthouse, which to get to we walk through Victoria Park every morning. This particular morning Eric and I walked into the park and right into the middle of the start of the morning prayers. The ENTIRE park was full of Muslims and they were just getting ready to pray. We went one way thinking we could find a way out, getting yelled out and pushed to move faster, we were stepping on mats and getting lots of dirty looks. A police officer had to help us find a way out of the park, but standing up and walking on one of the planters. It was CRAZY! We finally got to the youth center for Lighthouse. The pictures that I posted on my bubbleshare account are from the opposite entrance as prayer was over and people were pouring out of the park. Lighthouse was casual and fun that morning. We took lots of pics and goofed around. Then most of the kids went to Cami and Faye's house to hang out for the day. My friend Foday made some really spicy fishy groundnut soup which we ate for dinner. I had to run back to the house we were staying at while everyone ate and when I got back, he had saved me a bowl. :P I didn't get out of eating it. It turned out to be really good, it just took me a bottle or two of water to get through it. The kids sat in on our Krio class and it was fun because they asked us questions and we had to answer in Krio. It was the best Krio class we have ever had! We then watched Amistad and ate cookies and popcorn and had fun. Amistad is a heavy movie that I had never seen. It is about Sierra Leonean slaves. All the kids new the local language being spoken in the background and by the main character. It definitely brought the movie to life in a way that never could have been done had I not watched it with my friends...it was too real. Tuesday was a good day full of walking and internetting (yes, that can be a verb). That night I had dinner with my Lighthouse friend AbuBakar. I heard what Lighthouse is to him and his dreams for the future and some of his pains of the past. It was a sweet couple of hours that I think made my week! Yesterday was a busy day, as all Wednesdays are...lots of tutoring and then Krio class and dinner with the Zizers. Now here I am today. Got up early and came into town. Went to the markets to buy material and then on a walk with my friend Usman. He showed me his house. It was up a steep hill...pretty sure he was trying to kill me. But alas, here I am. It was great though to spend time with him and see his place that he pays for himself. He was very proud of it and I was happy to be there. Now, here I am interneting again. It is a beautiful sunny day here with a cool breeze. The weather today was/is perfect! So, I know this is a little more narrative than usual but I wanted to share my week with you because I have SO enjoyed it. I also have posted a lot of pics from the beach and from our Lighthouse fun day. Hope you enjoy!

http://www.bubbleshare.com/album/72473.fb200f95e93

Lighthouse state

I think we have come to Sierra Leone at just the right time. I believe we are here to pray and to be an encouraging breath of fresh air and hope. My prayer is that we are just that! My heart aches for Cami and the WMF staff here. The questions they are asking right now are not easy to ask or simple to answer and the answers are not easy to decipher or simple to apply.

As an outsider here to the program, I see so much of what the Lord has already done. I see former street boys and girls that were living without purpose. I see God's children that were naked and hungry and are now clothed and fed. The Lord doesn't give a cut and dry road map for helping cultivate and instill worth and long term responsibility into the orphan that you feed and clothe. I believe this is because every orphan and abandoned child is unique and not one remedy will cultivate in every heart what Jesus purposed for them. When parents or families fail to invest into a heart the love and value of being a child of God, this responsibility shifts to the church as the hand and instrument of God. However, the difficult position to be in at this stage is that they cannot make these kids WANT to grow and mature. It has to be something the individual owns and seeks out for themselves. Most of these kids have been in the program for around 3 years. I think (and I could be wrong) that the staff is weary of calling these kids to a higher standard of maturity and responsibility. Every single one of these kids are remarkable creations and have talents to offer this world. However, I truly believe that most of them didn't have a fun and enjoyable childhood and that is what they are trying to relive now. The beauty is that the Lord can restore what was taken by the enemy without having to relive a lost youth. A lot of these kids are close to the age of the rest of the servant team....late teens and early twenties. I think they need to start seeing themselves as men and women who have the responsibility to choose what is next for them. I wish for them that they would stop needing so much hand holding in those important areas. So, those are my petty two cents on the rut that Lighthouse seems to be in right now.

I write all this because I love these kids and to be honest, I see a future and a hope for them that I believe can be accomplished through prayer. I believe it with every fiber of my being! I know so many of you are faithful prayers and so I ask that you will pray with me...pray that as the staff here asks important questions and that important answers will be given. Please against discouragement and weariness and pray for hope and vision. Sometimes things must be cut down to regrow into something beautiful, but only the Gardener knows just when the right time for that is without killing the plant. Please pray that the WMF would be His pruning instruments in and at the right season.

Thank you for your prayers and praise Jesus for Hope!

Waterloo camp

Today we did something a little different with our day off. We went to a "refugee" camp about an hour outside of Freetown. This camp was primarily comprised of internally displaced people. This means that they are Sierra Leoneans that were displaced during the war time and now have no place to go back to for one reason or another. The camp itself had a real community feel to it....much like a village would. They had houses and little "shops" set up selling fish, palm oil seeds, cassava leaf, potato leaf, etc...it was like walking through various parts of Freetown markets but more peaceful. Everything was not right on top of you and people were not yelling..well, not as much as in town anyway. We gathered in a central part of the village and they called as many people to join us as they could. Everyone gathered around and we shared where we were from and why we had come. The people were SO welcoming and it was great fun to have all the little hands in mine and the little ones climbing all over us. The adults were so warm and inviting and grateful that we were there. After we shared why we had come and we sang a song telling the Lord 'Thank you', we announced that it was medicine time. We had general meds for a few different things (malaria, cough/cold, runny belly and worms) and had some stuff to do small wound cleaning. The mood instantly shifted. It was MASS chaos! Every adult was pushing in and pushing kids to the front of the line. We wanted to have a prayer line too, but that was a short lived dream. We needed 'all hands on deck' to fight the crowd, bag meds and pass them out. I have no idea how long this took because all I did was keep my head in a bottle of pills...sorting, counting and bagging. The people were crowding in and pushing and all of them seemed desperate for medicine. To say that this was overwhelming, would be much too simple. There were so many mixed emotions. The atmosphere had turned from warm and inviting to hostile and almost greedy for what we had. We did our best...we ran out of bags for the pills and so then we started putting the pills in little wads of paper with the instructions scribbled on the outside. The line never seemed to get smaller. That is, until we ran out of pills and then it was amazing how fast everyone disappeared. We were left there under the trees, finally breathing a few relaxed breaths, looking around and wondering what just happened. Some adults lingered and said thank you and a few of the kids walked us out, but the crowd was nowhere to be found. It is hard to know how much help we gave and if the meds were even needed in most cases. I think when you don't have, you will take whatever you are given. My hope is that even if wasn't needed today, that it will be saved for a day when they do need it. I wish that we were more to them than just the proverbial Santa Clauses with our medicines and the goods we have to offer. I don't know how effective that is in the long run. These are remarkable and capable people and they know a lot of local cures to the things we passed out. I would hate to see them just rely on us and our meds. I know this is kind of a random and all over entry, but I am just processing 'out loud' with y'all. It is late and I am really tired. I think I should be heading home soon. All in all, today was a good day and I am glad that we went. I know and trust that what we brought them will be used for their benefit and more than even the medicine that they would have heard that we were there because we loved Jesus and He loves them! I am thankful for all the cute little faces that I got to squeeze and laugh with and love on. I didn't take my camera, because I didn't want to make the people a spectacle. So, no pics or at least none that I can share with you. They are all in my heart for now.

Happy Birthday Marvic

Friday was Marvic Zizer's 16th birthday and in his honor we threw the coolest darn birthday party he has probably ever had....okay, well probably not the coolest but definitely one, the likes of which he will never get again! :P We went to the local grocery store and found some really amazing 'happy birthday' masks. There were some really snazy hats and masks to choose from, but I think we made the best decision. Jeremy also found sparklers....that's right, not just for the 4th of July folks but for a good time in SL! Marvic said he liked chocolate cake and so Jeremy found a cake mix and frosting and we actually made a chocolate cake. I have to be honest and tell you that after 2 months without the indulgences of American food, it was the best chocolate cake we have ever had. We polished off the frosting on our fingers and spoons and the burnt parts of the cake that others threw away...we were out of control. (I think Marvic had a good time too!) The absolute highlight of the night was Jeremy's rendition of Happy Birthday on the recorder. It was a birthday party that will not be beat!! On a more serious note, Cami has a beautiful tradition when it is someones birthday to have everyone go around and say something that they appreciate about the person. I think it is fantastic and I hope to implement it when I get home. I mean, I kind of did that for Mary but I had people tell embarrassing things ALONG with things they loved...maybe we should have just done the things that we loved. :) We all went around and encouraged Marvic and then we prayed for him. All in all it was a really fun evening and Marvic said it made him feel wonderful....mission accomplished! Some pictures of this exciting and happening party on my bubble share link.

my walk from Kissy

I haven't really blogged for awhile because there isn't much new that is going on. Our days are full and go by quickly. I am loving every day and just enjoying my time. With the two month (half way) mark just around the corner, I feel more of an urgency to spend my time wisely with the Lighthouse kids, the Zizers and my friends that sell from the street. I am also trying to walk more and see more of the sights that are around.

A week ago today, I went on the most amazing walk with one of the Lighthouse guys, Foday. We went to Kissy to take rice to his sister and then walked back to the main part of Freetown. It is a long walk but enjoyable. The places he showed me were amazing! A few of the pictures are posted on my bubbleshare sight. There is one of him next to the water at his favorite place to go read and do his studies and then the one of the ship yards where he told me he slept when he was on the streets. It so hard to look at this 20 year old kid and know that years ago when he was probably 13 or 15 yrs old, he was living on the streets. I am overwhelmed everytime I hear a Lighthouse kids' story of how much the Lord grieves over what they had to endure and encouraged by how much promise and hope there is for each of them!

Well, my time at the cafe has run out....I must go. I will try to blog more on Saturday but no promises. Life is very fluid here and plans change quickly.

Thank you for all your posts about the pictures. It means a lot to me that you all are checking this blog and being so supportive!! I will try to take some pics at Kroo Bay this Saturday and get them uploaded....talk about cute kids, you haven't seen anything yet!!

pictures

Hello All!

I think I may have figured out how to get some pictures to you without taking up too much computer space and time at the internet cafe. I have created an album on Bubble Share and I believe that by clicking the link below you can view my pics at any time and as I add new pics, you can see them using the same link. I will let you know when I post more pics. For now, I want to see how this works...please let me know. I need feedback on this one :)

http://www.bubbleshare.com/album/72473.fb200f95e93

Happy October

So, it is October and I am missing the leaves changing colors and the beauty that is fall in Omaha. I will miss the sweet smell of the leaves on the ground and the crisp Autumn mornings. I will miss the trips to the apple orchard and the harvest signs on all around. However, as much as I long to see and smell the beauty of fall at home....I am enjoying October in Sierra Leone. The first day of October I spent swimming in the ocean and basking in the African sunshine. We took the Zizer kids to the beach Sunday afternoon and hung out there until the sun went down. The scenery all around could rival any Caribbean beach. The water was the perfect temperature and not too deep. It only came about to my waste. The waves were big and tossed us about, but not too strong that would make them unable to be enjoyed. The kids played and laughed. We dug in the sand and Jeremy even engaged in a pick up game of soccer. I was even able to squeeze in a little down time to read and relax in the sea breeze. The sunset was breath taking! I have never seen a sunset like it. The sun was big and orange and enveloped in white illuminated clouds. It seemed as though it was right there for you to touch. I know it is probably not a good idea to stare directly at the sun but I couldn't take my eyes away. I was mesmerized until it slipped down beyond the horizon and was gone. I am kicking myself for not having my camera. Although, I doubt even a camera could have captured how beautiful it really was!! So, please don't feel too sorry for me because I am missing the beauty of fall at home...I will make due! :P

stinky and sticky

I am sitting in the internet cafe after Kroo Bay hoping that no one around me can smell or see how dirty I am. The day was a hot and sunny one....this means that you walk around perpetually damp due to your own profuse sweating. This is a state of being that we have all accepted and it really doesn't even bother me that much anymore....except today. Damp and sticky I descended into Kroo Bay for the good news club. Then, every cute little face and dirty set of hands wanted to grab, touch, hug and be held. My arms went into Kroo Bay white and came out brown. My pants went in tan and came out orange. (I just ran my finger across my neck and a film of black dirt rolled off. Yuck!) I picked up a little one today and because my arms were so sweaty...when I put him down I could literally see where his dirt had come off and stuck to my arms. Saturday night showers are always a must in our household and are relished by all. It is the best feeling to see all the dirt being washed away... they are completely refreshing! This brings me to the my dilemma this evening....the city has shut off the water supply and it could take up to a week for them to turn it back on. There is no telling. Last night we made due and it never dawned on me that tonight we would be sitting in our Kroo Bay dirt and not be able to get it off. This little issue has revealed to me that I am not quite cured of my need for comfort as I thought I was....a little dirt and I have been whining like a baby. The whole way to the internet cafe I kept lamenting to poor Jeremy about how dirty I am...like he wasn't covered in the same filth. (rolling my eyes at myself) It makes me think about one of the really little pekindem (children) today that was just covered in charcoal. His family must work with it or he must have gotten into some right before coming. He was black all over his face and hands. I sat there during the singing part of the good news club wondering how I could get him clean....I had no options that could fix the problem because if I had cleaned him up with my bottle of water.....I would have had 300 other little dirty faces looking at me saying - "me next?". All those precious kids live in filth day in and day out....I am miserable because I have been dirty for about 5 hours and I don't know whether or not I will have to stop and buy water to sponge bath with or if I will have a bucket waiting for me at home. Either way....I do have options. I know it is not wrong to want to be clean, it is just a sobering reminder that I really don't know what it is to really live like those kids live....I will never fully know because I will always have options. So, there you go....my lesson in humility for today....stay tuned for more.

choosing hope

Today I spent some time hanging out with Usman and Mohammad. They are two of the boys that I wrote about who make their living selling small items off of the main street in Freetown. Usman was sitting on the railing of the street with his ball cap on to protect him from the sun and a pile of colorful towels in his hand to sell. He sells them for 5oo or 1000 leone (one US dollar is the equivalent to 3000 leone). Interrupted only be the occasional customer or two, I heard some of his story this morning. He is making money to survive. He is 19 years old and has big dreams of going somewhere that will allow him to work hard. He said he would gladly do any job asked of him in order to make money to invest and be able to use it for good back here in his country and to take care of his family. He is selling on the street because his father could no longer pay his school fees. He had to drop out of school and take care of himself, this was about three years ago and he has been on his own since then. He sits on the street day after day in the hot sun or in the rain selling small hand towels. The police harass him and embarrass him often. (It is technically illegal for them to sell items off of the street like they do.) I sat there with him and Mohammad, as he was telling his story...watching as other children in their school uniforms walked by, and was overcome with sadness....not hopelessness just sadness. Usman has one of the sweetest and most tender countenances I have ever been around. I think anyone who talks with him, will love him in about 2 seconds!! :) He is always all smiles and has the warmest brown eyes I have seen. My insides ache for him (and Mohammad and Kande and Charles) to be able to see their dreams become a reality! They are so young and still so full of hope. I pray with all that I have in me that the Lord would make a way for them in a place where it seems impossible that things will ever change. I pray (and ask you to pray with me) that the Lord provide for them and bless them beyond what they could even hope for and that the hope that they have now would not die! I have to confess that hope is not something that is my first response when I look at their situation, but I have to rest in the fact that as much as my heart is full of love and ache for them - I know that the Father's heart is much more than mine!

walking around Freetown

Walking the streets in Freetown, you don't get very far without being approached to pay school fees, to get married, to buy someone food, to have a new best friend or just for a simple hand out. My skin color shouts to those around me that I have something that they want. I only wish that they knew that what I have to offer is more than money or even my own approval and time. My hope is that I would leave them with a sense of worth and value, not because I value them or see worth in them (which I do) but because they were made uniquely and wonderfully by the Lord. I know that my time with them needs to be intentional. The message that they are beloved by the Lord needs to be louder than all the other messages that they are hearing. They are up against such a formidable wall of oppression. This is overwhelming for my heart at times, but I choose to live in the peace that my responsibity is to be a reflection here and now of how much the Lord loves them and wants to know them.

There are three boys that sell stuff on the main street here in Freetown. I don't know if they are trying to raise school fees or just money to eat. They are friends of Lighthouse and come occasionally. They are not officially in the program though. They cannot be admitted right now due to a lack of a money (or something like that...I don't know all the details). What I do know is that I ALWAYS look forward to passing by them on the street. I believe that they all know that even though we cannot offer them money....we offer them the dignity of being known and being beloved. They never ask us for anything but they ALL light up when we stop and visit with them. They often come and help at Kroo Bay...they give to the kids in the slum out of what they have been given emotionally by the WMF staff (Joe particularlly) investing into them. I hope and pray for more of these moments in my days. Moments when I can stop, look someone in the eye, hear their story and get to know them. To leave with them with the knowledge that the Lord longs to know them and be known by them. I know in my own life this knowledge is what gives my life it's meaning!

finding my niche

The fact that we have been here nearly a month is quite sobering. The time here will be over before I know it. I feel an urgency to find my niche here....which I have yet to stumble upon. I absolutely love meeting with and helping the Lighthouse kids. Right now, I only see them three days a week but maybe that is my niche...I just need to add more times with them. School has started and so they need help with their reading, math and science. The kids that are apprenticing for a trade, also need a lot of help reading. I cannot say that I am the best at tutoring them but I enjoy it all the same. :) I am so afraid of the next 3 months flying by as fast as this last month has and not having ever finding a grove here. Our schedule is changing all around this week because of school...I hoping the change will leave us with larger pockets of time to invest into the kids and just to be on the streets more. Right now...we have an hour or two, here and there, but no significant blocks of time to commit to being with people. Please pray for and with me that I would hear the Lord's calling and see where it is that He would have me invest my time.

It has rained quite a lot the past few days, but the sun it out now....which makes it quite humid. I am sitting here drenched in sweat. It's really not that bad...I am getting more and more used to the constant smell of my own sweat and the mildew in my t-shirts. :P

I get asked a lot how I am REALLY doing....all in all, I am doing really well. I love it here and I am enjoying my time thoroughly. It would be hard to find anything to complain about at this point. I am having still issues with being a part of the team, but that is my own deal and nothing that cannot be dealt with. It is so hard not to be petty and stubborn, but I am trying on a daily basis to lay my own pride down and be a servant. (prayers in this area would be helpful!)

Today is the good news club in Kroo Bay, which I am looking forward to...I just wish it wasn't over so quickly. It feels like we pile all the kids in the little church and then sing a few songs and file them back out. It is an hour or so, but it is so enjoyable that we are always sad when it is over. I am hoping there are not many really gross wounds to clean today. Last week, I had a few nasties and I don't do so well with them. I hate hurting the kids and last week one was so bad, I had a hard time not gagging. I am hoping that I can go without any of those today...for my sake and kids'!!

I have heard that fall is starting to set in at home and I hope that you all enjoy it for me. It is probably my favorite season. I love those crisp mornings, followed my warm days and cool evenings. Ahhh - I can almost smell it!

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and know that I am so thankful for all your support, prayers and love. I know it is what is giving me strength and peace!!

more than a story

This Sunday will probably go down in the books as one my favorite days so far. We went to church at Pastor Zizer's. The kids that I helped with at the VBS on Thursday were doing a little play in the service and I wanted to go. The play was adorable and the kids were so stinkin' cute!! The message was on singleness...can't say that was my favorite part of the day but a part that I know that the Lord wanted me to hear. That is another can of worms for another blog entry. :P After church, we walked home...in the pouring rain. Rain so hard that you just held the umbrella as close to the front of your body as you could in hopes that a fraction of you might stay dry. We couldn't see in front of us because we all had your umbrellas over our faces. It was hilarious, if you could have seen it. I was laughing so hard that it is miracle that we ever made it home. Then we had lunch with the Zizer's (all but Marvell because she upcountry at a funeral). We had ground nut soup, which is by far my favorite dish here. It is delightful and, praise the good Lord, doesn't have any fish in it!! It was a stormy and windy afternoon, so that means it was cool. (again praise the good Lord). We sat in the Zizer's living room after lunch and visited with Pastor. We talked about home and what churches we have come from. Haley made a comment that she had thought she would see more of the effects of the war all around. This is when the Pastor told us his story. I wish that he was here to type it out because I will not and cannot do it justice. Justice, that is a funny word. Nothing could do it justice! Even now it breaks my heart and the tears fill my eyes. I have come to love this family and it makes me heart break and it stirs such emotions of anger in me that they had to live through what they went through. There were moments when death seemed certain and yet by the Lord's grace they were spared. Everything they had was taken by the RUF the night they invaded Freetown....after 3 or 4 waves of rebells coming into their home as they just sat and watched. Pastor had to hear that they planned to rape his wife (which thankfully the Lord - through prayer stopped from happening). The Zizers after a few days fled to the east side of town, which is where the RUF eneded up. It was here where they were seeking shelter that it seems the worst was felt. They were made to come out every evening and clap as the RUF burned down buidlings and shot those that ran out or jumped out. One evening, they layed on the ground in the place they were taking shelter for one hour as the RUF shot at the house from the other side of the street....bullets flyign just above their heads. A man with his wife, mother and two boys. (The youngest of which has had the most difficult time healing because it traumatized him so deeply.) Pastor decided enough was enough and decided to flee again. They knew there would be ambushes. There was a moment on the road, surrounded by rebells that he looked at his family in front of him and knew that was the moment he would watch his wife and children die. It is truly only by the Lord's grace and mercy that they are all here today. The stories are much more detailed, but I don't want to do them the dishonor of thinking I can fully tell their story. I do want to say they are now walking in freedom and healing. I would say that it is a continual process and my prayer is for deeper and more complete healing in their hearts. Pastor said it is only now that he can talk of these things without breaking down. The air in the room seemed heavy as Pastor was sharing all this. What words can be said after this is shared? I am sorry seems hollow. Thank you for sharing...seems too light. It was such a sweet moment of just being together. I was crying a little....just being there with him in the silence after all was said. We sat that way for a long time. Compassion means suffering with...I hope that on whatever small level he felt compassion coming from our hearts. That as much as we could, we ached with him. I don't tell you this for emotions sake, it was a sweet treasure of mine and something that I will remember all my days. Our rainy afternoon peaking into the life they once lived are now picking up the pieces from. Please pray for their continues recovery in all areas, as a family, emotionally and financially. I wish that you all had the priviledge of meeting them and sitting in their home and hearing their story! The evening was spent hanging out with the kiddos and just enjoying the evening. Lots of laughter, which seemed sweeter after knowing all they had endured.

no 'I' in team

This past week has been sort of odd. We are pretty busy, so finding time and an internet cafe that works to blog has been difficult. Let me just start off by saying how amazed and humbled I am by my team. I wish, at their age, I had a tenth of the spiritual maturity and commitment that they have. Our schedules are full, but yet we are all kind of having a hard time with the actual productivity of our time here...we just don't want to waste time being lazy. They (Jeremy's idea) thought it would be good if we met every morning at 7am to have a team time to meditate on God's word. I had resolved to do this on my own, but I am impressed that they thought of it as a wise group activity. There have been a couple of rough mornings (most of you know that I am not what you would call a "morning person"), but I love starting the day connecting with Jesus and the team. I am fairly independent, so this is teaching me a lot about the humility and not trying to do everything on my own. So, with that, team stuff has been difficult for me. For about 2 days or so, I felt completely disconnected from the rest of the team. I don't know if it is an age thing, or the fact that I feel like they connect better because a couple of them already knew one another, or if it is just me being petty and stupid....I am guessing the later is main reason. This past week, I have been missing all my wonderful friends and family at home and not feeling connected here, so I have been doing a lot of stuff alone.....kind of moping, I guess. Last night we went to a "revival" meeting and all though there were not many people there and the worship was not what I would have chosen or the style of 'preaching' from the podium was not my favorite style...I really felt the Lord for the small time we were there. I realized how prideful and petty I was being. It is even more humbling that I am the oldest and probably the one having the hardest time with the team aspect. I asked the Lord's forgiveness and I have been choosing a better attitude. Let me just say that today was a great day!! I apologized to the team for being a poop this morning and I feel like it is back to being easy again. Why am I so silly and stubborn! *sigh* This entry might lead you to believe that I am having a hard time here and I am really not. I feel at ease here. I love what we are doing and what our days are filed with. The most difficult thing is with affairs of the heart. I love you all so much and I hate being away from you. I hate that I am missing birthday parties of adorable 2 year old boys, birthdays of parents, wedding planning, wedding showers, new apartments and the hard things as well. E-mail is great and I think I would be a wreck without it. Thank you so much to all of you who have been posting or e-mailing me. It means the world to me and I would not make it without them!

a week in SL

I have received many questions about what my days are like....so I will do my best at trying to explain.

Mondays we have a meeting in the morning at our house (the Zizers home) to discuss whatever book it is that we have just read as a team. So far the meetings have mostly been about how we are doing and adjusting. This week we did actually talk about the first book.... "From Brokeness to Community". I highly recommend it!! There are various books that we will read over the course of our time here. Then we head to Lighthouse until 3:30 or 4pm. We hurry over to Faye's house after Lighthouse for our Krio lesson. After Krio, we have dinner with the staff and take part in the staff Bible study.

Tuesday morning is our weekly worship time with the WMF staff. It is a really good time to reflect on the Lord and just be in community together worshipping Jesus. Then Tuesday afternoons we are free. Tuesday evenings is the international Bible study with various missionaries from other ministries around town...we have yet to attend. This is an optional event for us. I am planning on going tonight....however, this will be after an attempt at cooking ourselves dinner. We will see how it goes :P First few attempts have been catastrophies!

Wednesdays we have Krio in the morning, then Lighthouse from noon to 4pmish. In the evening, we have dinner with the Zizers (the pastor and his family that we are staying wtih).

Thursdays is our day off....this will mostly consist of e-mailing and trying to find a place to get some down time.

Friday is the same as Wednesday but dinner at Faye's instead of at the Zizers.

Saturdays I will do chores in the morning, then basketball or hangout with the Lighthouse guys from noon to 2ish. Then off to Kroo Bay from 3:30pm until 5:30 or so. We then have dinner on our own.

Sundays will be church and then lunch with the Zizers and probably dinners with the couple that the boys are staying with.

So, that is it so far. We are getting into more of a rythm and I am finding pockets of free time to roam around the city by myself and spend time with the Lighthouse kids.....these pockets, Kroo Bay and Lighthouse will be my highlights!!

I know this isn't a very emotionally revealing entry, but give you a little insight into what life is like right now :)

new experiences

With my recent revealation that I have been focusing way to much on myself, I have been walking around and seeing all that is around with me with new eyes. Kroo Bay this Saturday was one of the best things that I have experienced, thus far. I enjoyed myself in a way that cannot be expressed in words. I walked into town with David and we took a different way down into Kroo Bay. We were coming down the stairs and you hear it start with one kid, then three kids, until they are all yelling "Ale-Ale". This is a part of a song that they used to sing with the kids and it is now the name that everyone in the area has given all of us. Well, I made it down about 1/2 of the stairs and was mobbed. This is not an exaggeration. I know that I tend to be a bit dramatic, but you literrally get mobbed. Every area that a kid can grab or stick onto, they do so. I couldn't even make it down the stairs. It was actually a little scary. I pictured a big ball of little limbs and Katie rolling down the stairs. David eventually pushed them all off until I got the bottom. Then I opened up my arms and loved on every darn little dirty face that I could. I was in heaven. It is very odd how all they want is for you to look at them or touch them...like you have magical powers. I guess it is a truly testimony of the sheer power of love. It is like magic or water to their little souls. Thank the Lord, I trust, that the supply of love I have to give will last and be enough to give drink to every little heart that needs it. Well, our time at the itnernet cafe is done. We actually should be at the soccer game across the street but that is another story for another day. We decide to console ourselves with some time on the internet for not being at the game. I will try to write more about Kroo Bay and some of the kids at a later time.

Love from Africa to you! :)

R.I.P.

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you all of my recently departed nose ring. (Yes, Papa, I have had my nose pierced for almost a year now.) The field director recently arrived and she told me and Haley that this is a very conservative culture and we might want to consider taking them out. It was entirely left up to us though. I decided to keep it but I wanted to see what the family I am staying with thought. I asked the pastor if he was offended by it and if he would like me to take it out. He said he wasn't and that it was up to me. He said another might have an issue with it but he and his family were okay because they know it is part of our culture. All I needed to hear was that it might be an issue for someone else and out it came. Now there is just a gaping hole where once stood my shining little symbol of the new life I have been living. I hope it heals up quickly so I am not reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. Right now it feels monumental, but I do realize how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of life. If this is my biggest sacrifice, then I think I will make it. :}

address

Many of you have asked if you can send care packages. Yes, you can. The best way to send them is in a bubble envelope. They can be as big as you want but that way they don't have to go through customs. Boxes have to be checked and often you have to pay a bribe to get it from them. So, bubble envelopes would be best. :)

The address is:

PO Box 545
Freetown, Sierra Leone
West Africa

beauty amidst the ashes

So, I have realized that posts have been a lot about me...how I am doing, how I am feeling, how I am processing. I know that it is okay, but I feel like I will grow more during my time if I stop focusing so much on me and start focusing more on why I came. I came because I love this country and have for a long time. I came to serve. So, let me tell you a little about the people I have met so far. Sierra Leonean people are exquisite. I am sitting right now at the internet cafe overlooking a market type area with a lot of foot traffic and it just makes me smile to see the beauty all around me. There is an older man in a blue shirt standing down in the street across from me with a missing arm and I am also reminded about all that these wonderful people have had to live through. I think one thing that touches me deeply in almost every conversation I have with a local is the love and hope that they have for their country. This is truly a land that was ripped apart and toppled by the war. I believe that they want to work hard and see Sierra Leone prosper. My deepest prayer is that the Lord would put a man in office this January that would be God fearing and will help to start passing laws that will encourage trade with other countries and will benefit the people of Sierra Leone. It is a critical election and I also ask that you would be praying with me to see corruption come to an end within the government!! The potential in this nation is staggering. I am growing to love it more and more with each passing day. One thing that I hate seeing is the American influence easing it's way in....via music and movies. I hope they are spared from falling into the same pits we have. I hope that they see how fake it all really is. It is a travesty that we are tainting the open hearts of the people here. Anyway, sorry for that little tangent! :) I wish that you could be here and see what I have seen in the two weeks that I have been here. The warm and welcome greetings everywhere you go. It is with such affection that they holler at you and welcome you to their country. The majority of places you go, you are welcomed with open arms and hearts. I wish that we had half of the tenderness toward our neighbors as they do.

my tour

This has been my first chance to post since my tour on Saturday. It was BY FAR the most overwhelming day that I have had so far. I was so emotionally and somewhat physically exhausted by the end of it that I have needed a couple of days to recoup. My favorite part of the tour (we will start with that) was just being with David. I love being with him and seeing what a testimony he is to the Lord's grace and what some love, grace and opportunity can do in someones life. I was able to hear more of his story on the walk and that I loved! I also like how protective he was of Haley and I when cars seemed to be aiming for us (they really weren't aiming, however there was a Coca-Cola truck that I thought had my # but thankfully I am still here) or when people came up wanting money or whatever. He was a great tour guide. We walked from Aberdeen (which is where our servant team leader lives) into Freetown and around to all the markets and through various parts of town. The walk into Freetown really wasn't bad and so I can foresee doing that on a regular basis. Back to the tour, the sights all around at this point are the same as everywhere we have been walking so far. Small "buildings" made of wood, some concrete and metal are everywhere. They line the road and are full in the front of things to sell....food, underwear, electronics, some are beauty salons, whatever you could think of they will have some version of it. The dogs are everywhere, often sick and hungry looking. Anyone who has traveled to any third world country knows exactly what I am talking about...it really doesn't look much different than other places I have been...just a lot more of it. I know that most of the families live in these same little shops. They are usually just sitting out front watching you as you walk by. We get the "white girl, white girl" shouted us and something in krio that means the same thing, on just about every street. People are friendly and you know me, I love saying hi to everyone but by the end of the day I just wanted to blend in. I had nothing in me but survival at that point. We first walked through the Kroo Bay slum. When it rains (which it was pouring for most of our walk), Kroo Bay floods. It was basically just red (that is the color of the dirt here) goo everywhere. You never really knew if you were stepping in mud or sewage. After Kroo Bay, we went to King Jimmy market. It is right by the Bay's edge. The sights, sounds, smells and tastes at these markets are beyond anything that I could describe. We went to so many markets that I lost count. Some were on winding paths, filled with chickens, rice, fish in every form, pigs feet in buckets, meat just sitting out or hanging, fruits, vegetables, timber, etc and kids running around without shoes in the dirt and stench. One little boy without pants on was playing with a rusty coat hanger and was as content as could be. You rarely saw the kids anywhere close to their parents. The roads we walked on were in front of people's homes. The homes were right on top of one another and they were all trying to sell you something from it or they wanted you to stop and talk. All I really remember is watching my feet, trying not to slip and step in something questionable. What I was seeing all around was just too much to absorb. Maybe one market at a time from here on out will be more manageable. I will also go alone when I don't have to hurry. We then went to Dove Court (the largest market in Sierra Leone, according to David). It was big but seemed just like all the previous small ones we had been to. I don't know how the vendors survive. Everyone seems to be selling the same thing as the previous 20. You want to help them all by buying but then again you don't want what they are selling. We stopped at Victoria Park and sat for a while in front of a cookery shop that one of the Lighthouse guys mom runs. The tour was over and we headed to Kroo Bay.

We had over 320 kids at the good news club and had to turn many away because there was no physical room. That was the closest that I came to crying. Noah runs the good news club and is a man who I have a great amount of respect for. He had to remove kids that were talking because to maintain order with 300+ kids you have to be firm. They would cry when he took them out. I almost lost it at one point. Kroo Bay really is amazing though. We do some medical care after wards and a lot of times it is the only care most of these kids will ever receive. They hear about Jesus and are entertained for an hour or so. They are fed an egg and basically loved on for a few minutes. It doesn't seem like a lot in the grand scheme, but it is definitely better than nothing. The Lord, I believe has a lot to teach me about obedience and what that can do. Noah and the WMF staff are obedient to the Lord and have answered a call to meet the needs of these kids. It is vain to think that anything I do will matter...the Lord doesn't ask me to matter, He has just asked for my obedience. I just need to tune my ear to hear what it is that He wants me to do with my time here.

Well, that is all for now. I know these thoughts are random and probably don't paint the picture to a tenth of what I really wanted to communicate. Right now my surroundings are new and overwhelming. I am looking forward to the day (hopefully sooner rather than later) when each story and face starts standing out and I get past my own discomfort (of body and of heart).

I love you all!

Saturday morning

It is Saturday morning and I sit in the internet cafe alone...well, not alone but at least the only one from my team here right now. Today we will go to Faye's house (she is our servant team leader).On Saturdays, the Lighthouse kids come and play basketball at her place and then everyone heads to Kroo Bay in the afternoon. Today instead of basketball, David (who I think is probably the Lighthouse guy that I have connected most with and am the most endeared too) is going to walk us into town and give Haley and I a mini-tour of Freetown before Kroo Bay. I am looking forward to today, as long as my body doesn't give out on me!!:P

Some highlights of the trip so far have been:

Our stimulating visit to the Sierra Leone museum. The kid giving the tour should be a historian...Faye asked him a question about one of the founders and he said he didn't really know what happened because he wasn't around then. Hmmmmm...really, no kidding?! It was hilarious. You know me...couldn't stop laughing! Another highlight has been playing Draft (it's a game similar to checkers but much more difficult) with the Lighthouse guys. I have actually beat a couple of them...well, one of them gave me the game. Hopefully soon I will beat him for real!

So far, the most frustrating thing is not being able to communicate. You can speak a little, because Krio is a similar to English, but it is different enough to prevent a deep conversation from really happening. We are just starting week 2, so I know there is time but I don't want to waste any of it. I want to be able to actually talk to the homeless on the street, instead of saying no or just giving them food. I want to be able to engage.

Well, I think this is all I have for now. I wish it was more telling of how I am really doing and feeling but I don't even know those things yet, so communicating them is next to impossible. Maybe when I have more time....

First week in Sierra Leone

I was not planning on blogging but I have too many people on my mass e-mail list for yahoo! to keep up with...so blogging it is. I think blogging is rather odd or at least this specific experience. You are supposed to sit down in a large steryle feeling room and instantaneously dive into your thoughts and emotions about all that is going on around you and that you are experiencing. Don't know that I can do that just yet...so my blog will probably be more informational. Maybe once I know better what I am feeling, I will be able to articulate it more clearly. It is Thursday afternoon right now. We have been here since Friday night,so almost a week. It is really hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it has only been 6 days that we have been here! I will be happy once we are in our own rhythm of a schedule. The Lighthouse kids (I feel odd calling them kids because I think a lot of them are in their early 20s, but I will call them kids for consistencies sake) are probably going to be the highlight of this trip. I feel bad though because servant teams come and settle for 4 months, build relationship and then up and leave them. Yes, pictures and cards get sent but I just can't help feeling like they have a protective wall up... and justifiably so. I am sure that it will slowly come down...just in time for us to leave. We went to Kroo Bay our first day in town and it was not what I expected. I am not sure what I was expecting but that was not it. This is SOOOO American of me to say but it was much dirtier than I had anticipated. You might be rolling our eyes at that, but until I can unpack more depth from my time there...that is what you get. One little boy was so sick, he couldn't even scoot down on the bench...he was burning up. No docs or clean bed for him to sleep in..I just can't unpack that right now...So, dirty is the best I can do. Well, I will write more in a few days. Love and miss you all!!

preparations

Well, I am not actually in Africa just yet.... 6 weeks from tomorrow. Right now I am in planning mode. I am trying not to be too consumed with the trip. It is hard because everything is in limbo. The whole world is shifting before me. Life is not about Africa. However, right now Africa has touched every area of my life. In one month, I will be unemployed. This is foreign territory for me and a little intimidating. One constant question that I ask myself and that others ask me is 'what will I do after I get back?'. The answer is I have no CLUE! My desire is to work vocationally with the homeless. I do not know what this looks like. I do not going to waste the time away though being consumed with this question though. The Lord is allowing me to go and He knows what is important to me. He has hidden a passion and a love for the poor deep in my heart. I don't think that is by accident and so I will trust Him that the next step will be as clear as this one has been. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Sierra Leone is the next step for me. I am stepping out of the boat and I don't need to know anything beyond step 1 at this point.