stinky and sticky

I am sitting in the internet cafe after Kroo Bay hoping that no one around me can smell or see how dirty I am. The day was a hot and sunny one....this means that you walk around perpetually damp due to your own profuse sweating. This is a state of being that we have all accepted and it really doesn't even bother me that much anymore....except today. Damp and sticky I descended into Kroo Bay for the good news club. Then, every cute little face and dirty set of hands wanted to grab, touch, hug and be held. My arms went into Kroo Bay white and came out brown. My pants went in tan and came out orange. (I just ran my finger across my neck and a film of black dirt rolled off. Yuck!) I picked up a little one today and because my arms were so sweaty...when I put him down I could literally see where his dirt had come off and stuck to my arms. Saturday night showers are always a must in our household and are relished by all. It is the best feeling to see all the dirt being washed away... they are completely refreshing! This brings me to the my dilemma this evening....the city has shut off the water supply and it could take up to a week for them to turn it back on. There is no telling. Last night we made due and it never dawned on me that tonight we would be sitting in our Kroo Bay dirt and not be able to get it off. This little issue has revealed to me that I am not quite cured of my need for comfort as I thought I was....a little dirt and I have been whining like a baby. The whole way to the internet cafe I kept lamenting to poor Jeremy about how dirty I am...like he wasn't covered in the same filth. (rolling my eyes at myself) It makes me think about one of the really little pekindem (children) today that was just covered in charcoal. His family must work with it or he must have gotten into some right before coming. He was black all over his face and hands. I sat there during the singing part of the good news club wondering how I could get him clean....I had no options that could fix the problem because if I had cleaned him up with my bottle of water.....I would have had 300 other little dirty faces looking at me saying - "me next?". All those precious kids live in filth day in and day out....I am miserable because I have been dirty for about 5 hours and I don't know whether or not I will have to stop and buy water to sponge bath with or if I will have a bucket waiting for me at home. Either way....I do have options. I know it is not wrong to want to be clean, it is just a sobering reminder that I really don't know what it is to really live like those kids live....I will never fully know because I will always have options. So, there you go....my lesson in humility for today....stay tuned for more.

choosing hope

Today I spent some time hanging out with Usman and Mohammad. They are two of the boys that I wrote about who make their living selling small items off of the main street in Freetown. Usman was sitting on the railing of the street with his ball cap on to protect him from the sun and a pile of colorful towels in his hand to sell. He sells them for 5oo or 1000 leone (one US dollar is the equivalent to 3000 leone). Interrupted only be the occasional customer or two, I heard some of his story this morning. He is making money to survive. He is 19 years old and has big dreams of going somewhere that will allow him to work hard. He said he would gladly do any job asked of him in order to make money to invest and be able to use it for good back here in his country and to take care of his family. He is selling on the street because his father could no longer pay his school fees. He had to drop out of school and take care of himself, this was about three years ago and he has been on his own since then. He sits on the street day after day in the hot sun or in the rain selling small hand towels. The police harass him and embarrass him often. (It is technically illegal for them to sell items off of the street like they do.) I sat there with him and Mohammad, as he was telling his story...watching as other children in their school uniforms walked by, and was overcome with sadness....not hopelessness just sadness. Usman has one of the sweetest and most tender countenances I have ever been around. I think anyone who talks with him, will love him in about 2 seconds!! :) He is always all smiles and has the warmest brown eyes I have seen. My insides ache for him (and Mohammad and Kande and Charles) to be able to see their dreams become a reality! They are so young and still so full of hope. I pray with all that I have in me that the Lord would make a way for them in a place where it seems impossible that things will ever change. I pray (and ask you to pray with me) that the Lord provide for them and bless them beyond what they could even hope for and that the hope that they have now would not die! I have to confess that hope is not something that is my first response when I look at their situation, but I have to rest in the fact that as much as my heart is full of love and ache for them - I know that the Father's heart is much more than mine!

walking around Freetown

Walking the streets in Freetown, you don't get very far without being approached to pay school fees, to get married, to buy someone food, to have a new best friend or just for a simple hand out. My skin color shouts to those around me that I have something that they want. I only wish that they knew that what I have to offer is more than money or even my own approval and time. My hope is that I would leave them with a sense of worth and value, not because I value them or see worth in them (which I do) but because they were made uniquely and wonderfully by the Lord. I know that my time with them needs to be intentional. The message that they are beloved by the Lord needs to be louder than all the other messages that they are hearing. They are up against such a formidable wall of oppression. This is overwhelming for my heart at times, but I choose to live in the peace that my responsibity is to be a reflection here and now of how much the Lord loves them and wants to know them.

There are three boys that sell stuff on the main street here in Freetown. I don't know if they are trying to raise school fees or just money to eat. They are friends of Lighthouse and come occasionally. They are not officially in the program though. They cannot be admitted right now due to a lack of a money (or something like that...I don't know all the details). What I do know is that I ALWAYS look forward to passing by them on the street. I believe that they all know that even though we cannot offer them money....we offer them the dignity of being known and being beloved. They never ask us for anything but they ALL light up when we stop and visit with them. They often come and help at Kroo Bay...they give to the kids in the slum out of what they have been given emotionally by the WMF staff (Joe particularlly) investing into them. I hope and pray for more of these moments in my days. Moments when I can stop, look someone in the eye, hear their story and get to know them. To leave with them with the knowledge that the Lord longs to know them and be known by them. I know in my own life this knowledge is what gives my life it's meaning!

finding my niche

The fact that we have been here nearly a month is quite sobering. The time here will be over before I know it. I feel an urgency to find my niche here....which I have yet to stumble upon. I absolutely love meeting with and helping the Lighthouse kids. Right now, I only see them three days a week but maybe that is my niche...I just need to add more times with them. School has started and so they need help with their reading, math and science. The kids that are apprenticing for a trade, also need a lot of help reading. I cannot say that I am the best at tutoring them but I enjoy it all the same. :) I am so afraid of the next 3 months flying by as fast as this last month has and not having ever finding a grove here. Our schedule is changing all around this week because of school...I hoping the change will leave us with larger pockets of time to invest into the kids and just to be on the streets more. Right now...we have an hour or two, here and there, but no significant blocks of time to commit to being with people. Please pray for and with me that I would hear the Lord's calling and see where it is that He would have me invest my time.

It has rained quite a lot the past few days, but the sun it out now....which makes it quite humid. I am sitting here drenched in sweat. It's really not that bad...I am getting more and more used to the constant smell of my own sweat and the mildew in my t-shirts. :P

I get asked a lot how I am REALLY doing....all in all, I am doing really well. I love it here and I am enjoying my time thoroughly. It would be hard to find anything to complain about at this point. I am having still issues with being a part of the team, but that is my own deal and nothing that cannot be dealt with. It is so hard not to be petty and stubborn, but I am trying on a daily basis to lay my own pride down and be a servant. (prayers in this area would be helpful!)

Today is the good news club in Kroo Bay, which I am looking forward to...I just wish it wasn't over so quickly. It feels like we pile all the kids in the little church and then sing a few songs and file them back out. It is an hour or so, but it is so enjoyable that we are always sad when it is over. I am hoping there are not many really gross wounds to clean today. Last week, I had a few nasties and I don't do so well with them. I hate hurting the kids and last week one was so bad, I had a hard time not gagging. I am hoping that I can go without any of those today...for my sake and kids'!!

I have heard that fall is starting to set in at home and I hope that you all enjoy it for me. It is probably my favorite season. I love those crisp mornings, followed my warm days and cool evenings. Ahhh - I can almost smell it!

I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and know that I am so thankful for all your support, prayers and love. I know it is what is giving me strength and peace!!

more than a story

This Sunday will probably go down in the books as one my favorite days so far. We went to church at Pastor Zizer's. The kids that I helped with at the VBS on Thursday were doing a little play in the service and I wanted to go. The play was adorable and the kids were so stinkin' cute!! The message was on singleness...can't say that was my favorite part of the day but a part that I know that the Lord wanted me to hear. That is another can of worms for another blog entry. :P After church, we walked home...in the pouring rain. Rain so hard that you just held the umbrella as close to the front of your body as you could in hopes that a fraction of you might stay dry. We couldn't see in front of us because we all had your umbrellas over our faces. It was hilarious, if you could have seen it. I was laughing so hard that it is miracle that we ever made it home. Then we had lunch with the Zizer's (all but Marvell because she upcountry at a funeral). We had ground nut soup, which is by far my favorite dish here. It is delightful and, praise the good Lord, doesn't have any fish in it!! It was a stormy and windy afternoon, so that means it was cool. (again praise the good Lord). We sat in the Zizer's living room after lunch and visited with Pastor. We talked about home and what churches we have come from. Haley made a comment that she had thought she would see more of the effects of the war all around. This is when the Pastor told us his story. I wish that he was here to type it out because I will not and cannot do it justice. Justice, that is a funny word. Nothing could do it justice! Even now it breaks my heart and the tears fill my eyes. I have come to love this family and it makes me heart break and it stirs such emotions of anger in me that they had to live through what they went through. There were moments when death seemed certain and yet by the Lord's grace they were spared. Everything they had was taken by the RUF the night they invaded Freetown....after 3 or 4 waves of rebells coming into their home as they just sat and watched. Pastor had to hear that they planned to rape his wife (which thankfully the Lord - through prayer stopped from happening). The Zizers after a few days fled to the east side of town, which is where the RUF eneded up. It was here where they were seeking shelter that it seems the worst was felt. They were made to come out every evening and clap as the RUF burned down buidlings and shot those that ran out or jumped out. One evening, they layed on the ground in the place they were taking shelter for one hour as the RUF shot at the house from the other side of the street....bullets flyign just above their heads. A man with his wife, mother and two boys. (The youngest of which has had the most difficult time healing because it traumatized him so deeply.) Pastor decided enough was enough and decided to flee again. They knew there would be ambushes. There was a moment on the road, surrounded by rebells that he looked at his family in front of him and knew that was the moment he would watch his wife and children die. It is truly only by the Lord's grace and mercy that they are all here today. The stories are much more detailed, but I don't want to do them the dishonor of thinking I can fully tell their story. I do want to say they are now walking in freedom and healing. I would say that it is a continual process and my prayer is for deeper and more complete healing in their hearts. Pastor said it is only now that he can talk of these things without breaking down. The air in the room seemed heavy as Pastor was sharing all this. What words can be said after this is shared? I am sorry seems hollow. Thank you for sharing...seems too light. It was such a sweet moment of just being together. I was crying a little....just being there with him in the silence after all was said. We sat that way for a long time. Compassion means suffering with...I hope that on whatever small level he felt compassion coming from our hearts. That as much as we could, we ached with him. I don't tell you this for emotions sake, it was a sweet treasure of mine and something that I will remember all my days. Our rainy afternoon peaking into the life they once lived are now picking up the pieces from. Please pray for their continues recovery in all areas, as a family, emotionally and financially. I wish that you all had the priviledge of meeting them and sitting in their home and hearing their story! The evening was spent hanging out with the kiddos and just enjoying the evening. Lots of laughter, which seemed sweeter after knowing all they had endured.

no 'I' in team

This past week has been sort of odd. We are pretty busy, so finding time and an internet cafe that works to blog has been difficult. Let me just start off by saying how amazed and humbled I am by my team. I wish, at their age, I had a tenth of the spiritual maturity and commitment that they have. Our schedules are full, but yet we are all kind of having a hard time with the actual productivity of our time here...we just don't want to waste time being lazy. They (Jeremy's idea) thought it would be good if we met every morning at 7am to have a team time to meditate on God's word. I had resolved to do this on my own, but I am impressed that they thought of it as a wise group activity. There have been a couple of rough mornings (most of you know that I am not what you would call a "morning person"), but I love starting the day connecting with Jesus and the team. I am fairly independent, so this is teaching me a lot about the humility and not trying to do everything on my own. So, with that, team stuff has been difficult for me. For about 2 days or so, I felt completely disconnected from the rest of the team. I don't know if it is an age thing, or the fact that I feel like they connect better because a couple of them already knew one another, or if it is just me being petty and stupid....I am guessing the later is main reason. This past week, I have been missing all my wonderful friends and family at home and not feeling connected here, so I have been doing a lot of stuff alone.....kind of moping, I guess. Last night we went to a "revival" meeting and all though there were not many people there and the worship was not what I would have chosen or the style of 'preaching' from the podium was not my favorite style...I really felt the Lord for the small time we were there. I realized how prideful and petty I was being. It is even more humbling that I am the oldest and probably the one having the hardest time with the team aspect. I asked the Lord's forgiveness and I have been choosing a better attitude. Let me just say that today was a great day!! I apologized to the team for being a poop this morning and I feel like it is back to being easy again. Why am I so silly and stubborn! *sigh* This entry might lead you to believe that I am having a hard time here and I am really not. I feel at ease here. I love what we are doing and what our days are filed with. The most difficult thing is with affairs of the heart. I love you all so much and I hate being away from you. I hate that I am missing birthday parties of adorable 2 year old boys, birthdays of parents, wedding planning, wedding showers, new apartments and the hard things as well. E-mail is great and I think I would be a wreck without it. Thank you so much to all of you who have been posting or e-mailing me. It means the world to me and I would not make it without them!

a week in SL

I have received many questions about what my days are like....so I will do my best at trying to explain.

Mondays we have a meeting in the morning at our house (the Zizers home) to discuss whatever book it is that we have just read as a team. So far the meetings have mostly been about how we are doing and adjusting. This week we did actually talk about the first book.... "From Brokeness to Community". I highly recommend it!! There are various books that we will read over the course of our time here. Then we head to Lighthouse until 3:30 or 4pm. We hurry over to Faye's house after Lighthouse for our Krio lesson. After Krio, we have dinner with the staff and take part in the staff Bible study.

Tuesday morning is our weekly worship time with the WMF staff. It is a really good time to reflect on the Lord and just be in community together worshipping Jesus. Then Tuesday afternoons we are free. Tuesday evenings is the international Bible study with various missionaries from other ministries around town...we have yet to attend. This is an optional event for us. I am planning on going tonight....however, this will be after an attempt at cooking ourselves dinner. We will see how it goes :P First few attempts have been catastrophies!

Wednesdays we have Krio in the morning, then Lighthouse from noon to 4pmish. In the evening, we have dinner with the Zizers (the pastor and his family that we are staying wtih).

Thursdays is our day off....this will mostly consist of e-mailing and trying to find a place to get some down time.

Friday is the same as Wednesday but dinner at Faye's instead of at the Zizers.

Saturdays I will do chores in the morning, then basketball or hangout with the Lighthouse guys from noon to 2ish. Then off to Kroo Bay from 3:30pm until 5:30 or so. We then have dinner on our own.

Sundays will be church and then lunch with the Zizers and probably dinners with the couple that the boys are staying with.

So, that is it so far. We are getting into more of a rythm and I am finding pockets of free time to roam around the city by myself and spend time with the Lighthouse kids.....these pockets, Kroo Bay and Lighthouse will be my highlights!!

I know this isn't a very emotionally revealing entry, but give you a little insight into what life is like right now :)

new experiences

With my recent revealation that I have been focusing way to much on myself, I have been walking around and seeing all that is around with me with new eyes. Kroo Bay this Saturday was one of the best things that I have experienced, thus far. I enjoyed myself in a way that cannot be expressed in words. I walked into town with David and we took a different way down into Kroo Bay. We were coming down the stairs and you hear it start with one kid, then three kids, until they are all yelling "Ale-Ale". This is a part of a song that they used to sing with the kids and it is now the name that everyone in the area has given all of us. Well, I made it down about 1/2 of the stairs and was mobbed. This is not an exaggeration. I know that I tend to be a bit dramatic, but you literrally get mobbed. Every area that a kid can grab or stick onto, they do so. I couldn't even make it down the stairs. It was actually a little scary. I pictured a big ball of little limbs and Katie rolling down the stairs. David eventually pushed them all off until I got the bottom. Then I opened up my arms and loved on every darn little dirty face that I could. I was in heaven. It is very odd how all they want is for you to look at them or touch them...like you have magical powers. I guess it is a truly testimony of the sheer power of love. It is like magic or water to their little souls. Thank the Lord, I trust, that the supply of love I have to give will last and be enough to give drink to every little heart that needs it. Well, our time at the itnernet cafe is done. We actually should be at the soccer game across the street but that is another story for another day. We decide to console ourselves with some time on the internet for not being at the game. I will try to write more about Kroo Bay and some of the kids at a later time.

Love from Africa to you! :)

R.I.P.

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you all of my recently departed nose ring. (Yes, Papa, I have had my nose pierced for almost a year now.) The field director recently arrived and she told me and Haley that this is a very conservative culture and we might want to consider taking them out. It was entirely left up to us though. I decided to keep it but I wanted to see what the family I am staying with thought. I asked the pastor if he was offended by it and if he would like me to take it out. He said he wasn't and that it was up to me. He said another might have an issue with it but he and his family were okay because they know it is part of our culture. All I needed to hear was that it might be an issue for someone else and out it came. Now there is just a gaping hole where once stood my shining little symbol of the new life I have been living. I hope it heals up quickly so I am not reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. Right now it feels monumental, but I do realize how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of life. If this is my biggest sacrifice, then I think I will make it. :}